MISSING HARRIETTE ALERT TRASH 10-21-08

!!!IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
Be on the lookout for a young harriette. She is about 5′ o” and
weighs about 10 oz. She has a pink complextion that is as smooth as
pool toy vinyl and numerous tatood hasher autographs, she gets
around. This little lass answers to “Merna” but she does not know her
telephone # or address. You will likely see her looking a little
passed and just waiting around with inviting red puckered lips, “O”,
and tempting red puckered extra lips, “o”, waiting to take some
hasher !HOME!… !wink! !wink! !wink!

It is reported that she arrived at last Saturdays run in the company
of one ‘Princess Blow Job’, with whom she travelled across the
western states in his motorized pleasure palace(it took a long time).
Though she had no money to pay her way he fingured out a solution,
the installment plan, requiring a stop every few miles. Princess was
responsible for Merna from the time they left uncle ZooLooBoy’s crib
in Colorado Springs until delivery to uncle Happy Snappy Tool in
Santa Barbara. By all reliable accounts, though a little worse for
wearing, she made it to the hash on Saturday but by the end of the
day, as the evening fell on our jovial little band of misfits, Merna
disappeared! Poof! No, it wasn’t our wizard’s doing, Panama Jack Off
was no where in the area…. “Merna! Merna! Merna! where can you be
and which UNCLE forgot to pay your run fee?”(note to hash cash)

And that my friends is just the beginning because we had a really
WHIZ-BANG!!! time at last Saturdays hash. The pack convened at
Stevens Park per instrucitons and just grew and grew and grew. Spotty
could barely keep up with the tribute or count that high, its tough
to be flirty, witty, cutey and accurate too.,,, Hashers just kept
streaming in from all corners, most looking for prelay on their way.
Prelay?? did I hear prelay? Well that rumor was dispelled by the end
of the day by what took place on trail………. with our hares,
POK<>HER and/and S P R E A D EAGLE.
The afternoons trail was somewhere between 2 and 6 miles depending on how you went up and down. Some decided to make a missile strike on the nearest bar, the Tiburon or Don’s John or both. Now, we all
understand that plarticular need but I gotta say that *69, Just Dan,
Just Jen(better half), Cumsession, Blow, and Just Generous Peter
missed some good fun and two beer checks along the way. Thats OK, ya all get another chance to redeem yourself and those valuable coupons.
Ya seen Merna?
Others decided to take the high road, all the way up Cheltenham and
down into Mission Canyon..Whew! That group; Sir Limp Alot, Cold Balls from Alaska, Circuit Cission, Just Ricky distantly dogged by few
more, Lickity, Eat Me, Roberto No Run, and others got succkered
into the longer route. It is reported that the FRBs had to stop
traffic on Foothill to ask where the trail was but some kindly older
gentleman generouly pointed the way. Then he, that be me, short
cutted the shit outa the trail and saved myself, On’r, and NoWack
Hack from a grueling energy wasting mile or so. OK, so those
energetic type hashers(Yo! Just Chris, cool it with the Team In
Training yacking, you are given someone a complex? and scared em into really going faster! up hill too!) were paid off with an extra
portion of yummy foamy yellow beers. Thats OK cause my excellent
little group got to the MARGARITAS first and had time to commune
with ‘nature’ and have a pee………………… eeee.

Right about here is where all of this really gets interesting…
coincidences were about to start happening all over the place, just
like hash trail marks in SB.
1)Firstly MaxLode was auto hashing around SB, minding his own
business, when he nearly ran over one of the hares. No! not Merna!
Luckily it wasn’t SpreadEagle, which was a lucky thing since he
didn’t know where the beer check he was manning was supposed to be!
After picking herself up and convincing Max she wasn’t Merna (a
resemblance?) she pointed him in the correct direction.
2)Max pulled into Rocky Nook Park just as us trail shor-cutters
arrived.  It was perfect, like a Hale Mary pass but with Margaita!!
3) The pack found trail after that check…………… really! Took
forever but they found it. It was a close one.
4)On-r and NoWack, though missing beer check #3 while still
shortcutting, managed to run right by and say hi to back
sliders, “AirHead”(come out n play soon) and “8×10″ & Steverino(still
submerged in marital bliss).
5)Those walking beer hounds found another beer check right across the
street from the Tib in McKenzie park!!! Can U say wretched excess!!
6)Pok<>her’s chin found the sidewalk after falling off her bike while
cyclehashing, just like when she was about 5 years old and took the
training wheels off. This time it had something to do with the hash
flour bag and a curb. Same result, different year…
7)Pok<>her”s chin was a mess so she went back to the bar for First
Aid and found another beer and guess what? They had a pool table and
she fit right in cause her chin was turning all purple and looked
like a pool ball, a (12)ball. Nothing like 12 balls on your chin, eh
Pok<>her?
Their really is more to hashing than meets the eye isn’t there?
8)Trail ended where it was begun, Stevens Park!!! Amazin!
9)Finally, note the lack of pix this week?? Hmm? Has somebody got a
little sophisticated machine called,,,!!!POK<>HER’S CAMERA!!?
10)Hmmm, there is no 10 only that (12) ball.
Where is Merna anyway?
Like I said, alot of co-inkydinks. Not much about the park though?

Druuummmmmm Roooolllllll!!!!!!!!!!!! and then we got on with
religion. The hares, Pok<>her and S…Eagle were toasted for their
efforts and the oblivious live lay trail…Duh! Laysher and Blo were
really on their pack taming game! Nothing like a good ole whip and a
chair to get the circle under control?
Just Dan left us and we were introduced to “GooeyinHerface”(sp) Hi
Gooey! Newbie Just Jen was called up and so was Cold Balls, just
visiting, and his broinlaw as another newbie. Welcome! Welcome!
Another naming was begun, that was for Just Jonzn Ashley, but was
delayed because of rain….. a “rain check?” Maybe next time sweetie?
And there were other assorted crimes and misdemeaners too numerous
for me to remember but I do remember 2 more things…..
1)when the sun goes down its lights out in Stevens Park and
2)the last official Merna sighting was when she crawled under
Happys truck…… what was she doing there?

So we are outa gas and chalk over here.. feel free to add something
else or take your clothes off… ON-OUT Picster

PS HOTT HASH is on Thursday at 6;15 if they ever get it posted.

FLYIN SWINE FLEW 05/02/2009

Even though the local population was devastated by the outbreak of a flubug the undaunted H3SoB kennel rallied for a wonderful Saturday trail that was set by our very own “Cum Solo”, aka Swine #1 in elite haring circles. The pack gathered, without  those colorful auntie-GERM facemasks, at the Butterfly Preserve parking lot (just north of Ellwood Bch) on a sunny though blustery afternoon for our little Saturday trot. We were promised three beer checks, some shiggy, a little dampness and darkness and some distance. (sans hills and valleys of course)  It was a very tall order or very cheeky boast of a trail depending on what side of the circle you were on….. the sweaty trembling hare was over there and we, the overly edgy eager drooling lipsmacking pack, were over here….  the scent of  “hare blood” and “yummy beer”was in the air… 

So sometime near the appointed start time things got going. (((Ya know there is nothing like HASH Central Time (HCT) to make you feel like you are always on time. And it shows alot of respect to be on time and sometimes makes possible the swilling of just one more bevy before yer out the door.  Remember that there are no rules in the HASH, only some curvy guidelines and that goes for watches, clocks and that time thing too. Ya can even get to the Hash the following day and still be on time… its sort Einsteinian!!!! just look for curved trail ))(and curvy tail )

……… So we had virgins, newbies, wannabies, wahenies, weinies, walkers, stalkers, runners, and a few others.  But our numbers were a bit off because of some ridiculous “flu fear” and the Hash fashionistas couldn’t find the right mod med mask to match their shorts(where is dripper when you need him?) There was also an away campout event in Tehachipeepee that we would (eventually) like a report on and the Wild Masochistic Flour Power event, up north.( that shoulda been a hash but wasn’t.  Too bad for U! and Us know who UR! you ewes!) Thats Ok! we had a couple dozen for our fun and adventures despite the distracktions.

Our pack was a good one with  a variety of experience, speed and enthusiasm levels from the hasher harriette mix. Our sometimes scribler, IPF, was there too and he got things going by sneaking out early and solving a couple checks and enjoying one beer check before getting lost for good. The pack caught up to him near the butterfly bedroom in the Ellwood  eucalyptus forrest. (apparently he forgot again, flour spots are trail? ) Our pack saw the preserve, the Ellwood hood, industrial park and the RR tracks (did I say RR TRACKS!)  Can you say RAILROAD TRACKS? I guess that swine, SOLO!!! can  because he really likes em. We spent  a tootsy smiting mile and forever on em.. (but I guess to have a AMTRAK moon opportunity was worth it and we did and the passengers liked it, they put their tongues on the windows!)  A bit later we got a little wet in the flood channel, had another automotive  mooning  opportunity (optional), slipped through a big ole wet and dark tunnel that separates Goletata from Goletia and visited the DP cross country course. That last beer check, the one in the creek bed at the course, was really appropriate for this trail because we crossed around 8  country miles just getting there.   

The ON-IN and Down Downs! were held at a friendly little park in the middle of the burbs. Presided over by BloHo, they were short butt sweet…. we did manage a little naming……. bye bye Jstepanie you smiley laughing wench you……… she has been around for along time so it was overdue………… hello! to JzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ! with an emphatic ZZZZZZZZ! (Remember! if she don’t give you the ZZZZZZ! she gets a DD! ! !)   yer a lucky girl!  we had some newbies along for the trail and they seemed to have a good time and a real nack for this Hashing business, they liked it too. There was Jslammer the trail sniffing hammer and trooper Jtyler, apparently a Beagle Scout and Beers-R-Us Jrebecca (we think she likes them and us alot). *69 found the H3SoB hash shit and tried to pass it off (again) but failed miserably. He did his best Jack Benny immitation, blamed it on Rochester, then got a little down down and the Hashshit for another 4 years. Spotty and Limpy were celebrated for aldf alfjdoieir ^^^>>>///,,,,<<<\\\\ in the back of her ride and telling Max there wasn’t enough room? What arya tryin to say?   (yep,  just had to mention that one..)

So as it turned out,,,, due to a bit of shortcutting, lost on trail wanderings, beer breath development and blind lick luck  there were 3 or 4 different FRB groups trading the lead all afternoon and that allowed for numerous mini pack adventures and novice chance check encounters. So this was really a pack effort, getting from A to B,  the pack worked together  to solve, the flying swine, Solo’s nasty little checks, harriette checks, back checks, moon checks and generous! (got a bunch ‘O’ pitchers ‘O’ really tasty suds at Hollister Brew Co) beer checks.  BTW anybody ever find Just Ian and Jangelica? they still at that beer check? in Spottys ride maybe? dumbass luck I guess???

Cya next time                                Pixxxster

}}}- THE JOKES ON US!!!! -{{{ 01/24/09

Saturdays run was billed as “The Joker’s” final appearance, wearing the H3SoB colors, so it was only fitting and proper that he be sent packing SB HASH style.  Party! Party! party!     

(OK, so some of  you would like this ‘trash’ to stop right about now but, YA KNOW?,  your just dreamin, smokin crack or bananas or something. This exciting, adventurous, and creatively clever stuff just has to be written up and its your solemn duty as Hashers to read it thuroughly thru and thru and thow-up.   So quit your wanking! )                                                                                  

So on a day that started out pretty brisk and chilly, pretty damn cloudy, another eclectic pack gathered to celebrate, toast, roast and toast again our, one of a kind, The JOKER.  Ya know, that Heath fella was lookin down and eating his heart out with that painted shit eating grin on his kisser because he OD’d  too soon  to take part in our latest festive fiasco. And it may have been a close competition but I think our very own “The JOKER”  is the real deal and way bettern that Hollywood imposter. Really! If they competed for the Jokster Oscar our guy would send ole Heathbaby back to Brk Bk Mtn!! Ouch!  No wonder he OD’d!!!!  The  H3SoB kennel will really miss our one and only,  The JOKER!!! So good luck buddy. Uganda is supposed to be wonderful this time of the year and your in luck! cause its crocodile feeding time and they are real hungry! they like their manchicken a little orange.. sorta like you!   So adios to you, we will miss your clod hoppers while you take them on Safari! Safari! safari!   so Yahoo! on with the party!

The pack convened at a tacky beach shack in Mussell Shoals, right next to the little Rincon,  an on the beach location. This pad was complete with its own beach, couple of decks and numerous bedoirs and banos.  It was pretty nice and it could all be yours or ours for the rock bottom price of $2.9 million. Anyway we were fortunate to have the location and made the most of it. About 3X12 hashers made the Saturday run, dinner, party, hot tub, and and a few for the sleazy overnight passout action. 

We had outa towners in from far and wide, seems everyone wanted to make sure Joker was really leavin. We had Chainlinkpink from up north and Morning Cocktail, Whale Boner, and Tissue Tits from the south. Piggus, Wings, Ganja, Banana, Cervix, Gui, Turd Burglar, and Mutton were in from Ventura.  CockSucker made it too! (where from? Guam?) Oh, and of course the usual suspects and mismanagement and a few nosey neighbors and some dogs.. (Bailey was there!)

Then there were those “wild and crazy” Dutchmen. You would think that after years and years and years in Carpinteria they would know how to speak English? NOT!!  and They couldn’t sing in their own language, whatever it was, certainly wasn’t Carpinterian! So they  made howling sounds that caused dogs to cry and the moon to cringe, musta been that crap and diarrean dialect.  Our host was part of this group. (Thank you a Bunch!! which ever one you were)  These over the hill rugby types proceeded to cause a dysfuncinfection in the circle and a complete collapse to the order and respect that is normally exhibited by our kennel.  Our gallant GMs, Laysher and Blo, really had met their match this time but they got their shots in too! A down down here and a down down there and all of a sudden Hans Brinker is your idiot nasty uncle.

Speaking about nasty uncles, we had three hares for the days run. Yes, MR and MRS Cocksworthy were the alchemists behind all of the days fun and dysfunction. We had a trail that was pretty Fxx’d up too! and those two harey alchemnists pointed at The Joker but it was really Cocksworthy? what are ya gonna do? and really! it all worked out in the end as it usually does around here… So what if we cut out half the trail because true trail shortcutted through a tunnel that led right to more trail and bypassed the only beer check. Squeels was real confused and a little PO’d when the FRBs, Solo and Pucker, came in about 5 minutes after the run start.  They just  swilled a beer and went out and did the trail again and this time got all of the distance. A few more got after the redux and enjoyed some great sunshine, a beautiful beach and all of the high class style and wonders to be found in loverly La Conchita. (who was she anyway?) And so what that the real trail ran through the La Conchita locals landslikde burial grounds? Kinda spooky but I think that the spirit of La Conchita is a good time so it was probably OK, its a beach town!  Viva!! La Conchita, where ever she is!!

Can you say HOT TUB! yep, I said it again. Our trio of  Hares found one for real this time and that is where they rested their weary bones after disorganizing the days events. Hear that they held court until the wee hours too. Somebody else will have to fill ya in on that part……… any takers? any givers? any Jokers?

(Rin) Joker, Joker, Joker! What are we gonna do without The Joker. Hmmm? (Stimpy) I know, lets get another one! and I know just were to find him too. Ya put your finger in yer nose and fish around a bit in the Gui and Ah! Ha! Got him!  and pull out our latest immortal… so all of yous say “bye bye Just Peter” and howdy tooooo (drum roll//////please) the “E-JOKE-ULATOR”.!! Kinda maniacal isn’t he?  Isn’t it just amazin how things change but just seem to stay the same?

Gotta go, out ink? (eh cacakoff, I heard that!)      Picassole

OO-BIG*ASS FOOL)*( MOONin*RUN-OO 01/2008

Ya heard some stories, ya saw some girlie pix and now its time to find out what really happened on Januarys Fool Moon run.  We had splendiful bit ‘O’SB sunshine from that other big orb up there, and what was a ‘perfect’ day for terrorizing the hoodslums in good old Goletia. Not that the Goletites ever really get outside their TV huts for fresh air, excercise or perhaps to spot a streaking hare…..? and thats part ’O’ this story too! So here we go…….

A pair of hobbled hares took the helm for this shiggified voyage into the dark and dank of what used to be the Goleta slough. Ya see thats before the Union Pacifit RR laid some track, which we crossed a couple of times, the Corp of Engineers put down cement flood channel and tunnels that we closely inspected, and some cheap ass builder filled in the rest with dirty dirt and threw up some tacky tracty shacks we all snuck by… didn’twant to disturb TV time for the coneheads. The pack had some really good yuck! along the 6+ mile way (thats shiggy to U, but not really really bad shiggy, just enough to slow down  mama bear), two well deserved beer checks ….. and they contained REAL hash beer!  Hurrah for us! and and and……… what else did we need, it was a hash!

CumSolo, PuckerUP and Whoopie! were our hosts for this bit of late afternoon excercise……… but for some reason we only had two hares?? Hmm? Seems that PuckerUp was under house arrest and had to put on the French maid outfit and serve punch and bridge mix at his wiffs little party. Figure that was probably a priveledge for the snivelling ferret. He doesn’t get to wear that Froggette outfit too often I hear, but I be thinkin another ( much better) priviledge is in store for our errant, thoughtless, useless, grass eating, member missing, missing member! Arrrggghh! I hate it when that happens….  (about here was where I was gonna reference the missing hare and that was sort like half a mooning and then fix it all up with a ‘tongue in cheek’ sorta inference, but that seemed a little gross and really too much so I decided not to.  You know,  sorta Matzo ala SLO like. Besides if I included the ass mooning we gave the SmirfLiner and then included the ‘tongue in cheek’ bit the passengers might have all yorked and messed up the train!)

So Solo had to handle (or in this case foot) this trail, I guess you would say, “Solo” cause Whoopie had to keep score and other important logistical stuff.  And he was magnificent at it. He was creative, crafty and sly. The pack, not the “Spy Harrietts” (what does that mean?) were really quite bamboozelled. We were ’back checked’ into the stone age and we coulda really used Little Dripper cause he knows all about that stone age hashing. .. And the Spy Harriettes? Ya know they looked like they had been dringing aliddle. They would done better and gotton along faster if they had remembered their Sherlock glasses. Ya know girls? we running pack types had to wait along time for Us to show up. Rumor had it that you all had been eaten by a troll (I was no where in the area, honest!). But the truth is now oouut! got the pix to prove it to! Spread-E, Pok<>her, Flipper%, Geronaho! and Jstephanie ran into a dental hygenist and got their teeth cleaned at beer check #1. Just check out them choppers! and that is why they was late.  Honest Injun!

It is a treat to run a well laid trail and this was just that. We were all sure we knew what was next and then it wasn’t. Our well rounded pack of Limpy, Spotty* Laysher, Piggus, Tit^^Boss, Dinger, Jdave, Jdebarshi, Jjulie, OnrAss, ganjaMan(late again) worked out the problems thrown at us by sly Solo and overcame our self imposed kinks.  We made it pretty damn easy for the lazy ‘Spys” cause the pack did bring a load of chalk to mark the way. (the old Hansel and Gretel bread crumbs are entirely unsatisfactory, they get moldy and tend to be carried away by small furry animals) Those 2 beer checks were exactly where they shoulda been, like when we arrived.  And listen up now, there was not just running going on.  The pack was running, climbing, scaling, and a little stumbling too(I tricked Ganga into acting like my StupidGuidePerson after tripping a few times) in the really dark tunnel. No, we didn’t have to repel, swim, crawl, or beg…. but maybe next time?  Our well travelled pack was real glad that the blacktop was at a minimum, made the rest ‘O’ trail that much more interesting, entertaining, and really adventurous!!!! ( and so what if ya had to hose your shoes off when ya got home cause they smelled like Golitite farts and worse) When is that boy up for harring again?    !!Solo rocks!!

And then, just as suddnely as it started, the trail was over.  That skunk Solo sent us on a double dooloop after that 2nd yummy beer check and we finished about a ‘3 wood’ from there. (I havn’t had my 3 wood out in a couple of years cause of hashing? golf and hashing? kinda the same? Hashing is more better!)  There was plenty ‘O’ Beer and we got to see that BIGASS full moon come up over the Mts of the Moon scape, got to moon the train, had a little religion too. 

We had welcom back newBs in the way of  Jstephanie the AMTRAK engineer, Jdave!!! the BARTENDER!! Jdebasshi? the BLOWME! nice guy, Jricky of the Crazylegs and his cutie, Jjulie theVIRGIN. Their were assorted  Birthdays a few weakass crimes(where is Puckerup when you need him? really!) Laysher and BloHo led the circle and kept the outa control part to just the right length, twice around!  We had announcements for Betty Ford in March and ditto for SLO 5th Anal and it looks like we may have a MardiGras?? ‘G’ is that time again, where is Slimey? here Slimey, here  Slimey! !! ? Add’l logistices were rovided by Max, *69, Blo, Sesh, and IP freely.(IP was the Pimpernel, here there and everywhere, I really remember seeing him I think) and we also had TurdBurglar and Mutton but I don’t know what happened to them, they are so noisey! (BTW a big attaboy and girl along with a BIG wet smack on the kisser goes to these two for hosting a great after hash party at their cool Ventura pad a couple ‘O’ week ago. Lots ‘O’ food, ‘O’ drink and ‘O’ fun were had by all that attended. And we didn’t break anything! Thanks guys! do it again the next time you need to make up for a FUCKED UP trail that everyone gets lost on… BTW W that is reallya stupid place for that stupid cross and I’m gonna see who owns that land and call the ACLU if it aint the Papists.) 

So there ya go, outa grist and outa gas over here.  Cya   Picster

white HASH TRASH XXXmas (12/08)

Was two weeks before XXXmas and at the White Trash starting place H3SoB Hahsers were freezing  their arses  off and pouring beer in their face

I was in kercheif and On-r a warm cap and we were not about go take a nap(it was still pretty early for that)

There were newbies, visitors and welcome backs too and It was hard to tell em apart with their noses  so blue

Their was Slimey and Trime with  Just Steph in tow and those Ususal Suspects willing and abe to give er a GO (Laysher Blow Panama Poker Spready)

 Since hares for the day were *69 and backsliding Mojo the Junkie it was Sir Limpy  we overheard telling Spotty that this run will be funky 

Just Karen and her sleigh made it in time for the run start  A damn good thing since her reindeer, Pizza,  had forgotten his cart………

We had Drilla,  PuckerUp and Cum Solo too…. with Dripper, CumSession, Whoopie Cushion and another few(ChickenHawk and cutie newbie)

So on out Ballarena, ChainLink,  TurdBurglar and Piggus, the Hare just took flight… the packs gotta give chase cause  its gonna be an ON-ON night!!!!!

And it was so. The acrtic freeze was threatening but our H3SoB harriers were not intimidated in the least. Trail was a little short by International Hash Mark Standard measurements but that was OK because it was cold out there and we wanted to get on to the tacky gift exchange and some food!  In the Trash spirit the first beer check was plundered by youngsters, up and comming hasher types. The second beer check had some pink stuff and there was not a 3rd. Hmm? No beer at the beeer checks? Whats with that you lazy ass hares? Haven’t we run that trail before, like thrice/

Down downs were held at the north pole, yes! the north pole. *69 thinks that natural gas vent pipe (from the peops that bring you ‘GAS’) in his yard is the north pole? apparently some elves have licked the candy cane color coating off…  how yummy!  A very creative version of the “12 days of XXXmas”  was led by On-rAss with able assistance from PiggusDickus… ending with ‘and a really really really bad rash’ and of course there were the ‘whores a hoing’ ‘cans of beer’ etc. The silence really was golden! Down downs were somewhat abreviated since everyone was really cold, hungry, tired, thirsty and really wanted their useless tacky gift.(and yes I did hurt myself climbing over that stupid wall, please be considerate and install a nifty gate for future use)

The pack retired to *69’s version ofPeeWees Playhouse for food and the tacky gift exchange and that was a hoot as usual. Presents were opened and stolen with great abandon. AssGasket got to keep a walkin talkin toro! toro! toro! bull and Mexican wrestling mask that looked like it just might fit , made one semi-retired hasher a little excited! a family of hares was captured by Blo and others. There were sex toys and booze and wine and stupid ass other junk and an overabundance of rally old and furry VHS porn tapes!  really VHS? how senseless!

PS    Later that very same night some managed to find their way to the the SantaCon event in good ole downtown SB. We had about 40 Santas out and pub crawlin and dancin. Reds, LongBoards, Funkzone house, Carousel, Velvet Jones, Indochine, IOS, and MuddyWaters all awaited before we slept. Whew! it was abunch O fun.

PSS Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! SB was successfully invaded by VCHHH for a little run put on by PiggusDickus. We had a small pack in the chill of the afternoon and had gone through a bunch O poison oak by the evenings end. Food and libations were provided by Brew House. What a wknd!   Cyas!

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! is it cold or what?

>)))Luck Trumps Skill at {*69} Bday Hash(((< (11/29/08 flog)

What a trail! What a pack! What a HASH!!!!!  It was a clear and crisp sunny SantO Barbara Saturday when the pack gathered for the start of *69’s birthday Hash. The hares for day, the lovely and talented On-r Ass, the better lucky than good Picassole’ (thats me!) and tag along bitch boy *69, had planned on a little group of maybe a dozen or so of local hard core dysfunctionals to show for the days trail. Gee whizakers! The silly hares figured since it was the T-day wknd that nobody was thinking hash thoughts and everyone was getting over feasting belly bulges and who would want to cum out and celebrate another year on the ever lengthening belt of our resident retrobate, ***69?    Really, who would want to cum to something as lame as that??  

Turns out that “trix R4 kids!” …… ya got us!! We planned on a dozen and got that X3 that!!!! There was alot of eclectic energy snapping, crackling and popping with all of the extra outa town vehicles showing up full of eager beaver hash types from all over the state. We had outa towners, whos its, and welcome backs all.  I guess the Sears parking lot has never been privy to such a glorious gathering because the security guy was getting pretty excited about it. Can only imagine his conversation with head quarters as he drove his little squad car around and around and around, ” Unit 3 to HQ, unit 3 to HQ! That rumored recession is all wrong!!! There are at least a hundred shoppers in the parking lot and it looks like they are tail gating and getting ready to storm the doors near the toy section, get Santa ready!! And ya better send out for more staff to handle these shoppers, we don’t want a trampelling like over at Walmart! they’re throwing mysterious white powder now!!! ’OVER!’,  ”HQ to unit 3,  get outa the way, we fired the extra staff and laid Santa off too… all is lost, save yourself, don’t enhail that stuff!!!”. It really was a great way to get things started.  

We got ‘Hand Solo’ and ‘Ho on the Range’ back from their little town of Snory (thats up in the mountains up north someplace and those little kids in the pix are their fault) There was ‘Bubbles’ and ‘Whor-e-O’ from Texas spreadin for their annual H3SoB check up. We had a slow contingent down from SLO, ‘Matzo and  Freudian’(the newlys) and the quicker ’Mr Chihuahua’ and ‘Otter C my Clam’(first harriette ON-IN). Down south was represented by OC’s ‘AfterBirth” and ‘Gay Boy from LaJolla” from LaJolla, Duh! Cubby and Her bitch (aka Muncher) made it up from LA while Ganja pulled in just a little earlier than usual. (timing was off) And somebody did say ‘Cocksucker’? Yep, that was him, himself, finally unmasked after he had a few bevies and his guard was down. The guy shows up in a Guam t-shirt and claims to be a Just this or that. Nope, he is definately a ‘Cocksucker’ and the local harriettes want to see him again. Hmmm? See him do what?

Enough with this visitor nonsense &(#@^$#^@$E^!!! What about the trail? What happened out there?

Well this is how it went… On-r slickered the pack right out of the gate with a YBF off an obvious harriette check. No! NO! kNOw! it was right there on the ground, at the bottom of those stairs and you all are blind or drunk or stupid! Stop your wanking about it! When they finally got back on trail (hares 2 vs pack 0) things progressed smoothly and eventualy there was a nice refreshing beer stop near State st. Unfortunately your hares provisioned for 12 and there were X3 and the walkers got their first so tough toe nails(hares 2 vs pack 1) The SOL pack was now faced with one of our local versions of the Grand Canyon, in miniature, complete with the Colorado River. Sheer cliffs and dangerous rapids forced some to get their feet wet and others to wet their pants but fortunately there were no drownings… Pretty scarey stuff, and right in the middle of SoB but somehow On-r found it somehow figured she could share? shes sucha giver that one (hares 3 vs pack 1)..  

Now some of the pack was doin the headless chicken dance about now… You know, following Happy Snappy and sorta gettin lost and starting to feel all silly about trusting in the notorious disrepubate when all of a sudden there is another beer check.(faith is restored!) That makes two bevy stops and thats usually a good thing for the pack, but once again the hares provisioned for 12 and even though now they only had to deal with X2 or so it really isn’t enough beer is it? but it was PBR and Heinekin!! but still not enough!!! (and what was that pink liquid stuff anyway?) 

“Did we just hear you say X2? what happened to the X3?” Ya know, we really can’t be certain about that. The bitch boy hare, *69, was supposed to lead a mini pub crawl after the first beer check but he apparently got lost again on State St. Yep, within a block of the start the B-day boy was not sure about where the trail was heading or where the bar was…..  The turkey walker group was really in trouble because of a lack of leadership and common scents…  but they rallied to a watering hole, got some common cents together, and hunkered down with a bevy or two. When things calmed down and the panic subsided they all auto hashed to the on in…  Whew, that was a close one. Stupid hare!  (hares 3 vs pack 3)

Back at the ranch the real trail was progressing nicely. On-r and Pic were prancing merrily along, enjoying a sunny SantOBarbara afternoon while spreading more of that mysterious white flower around the hood and delighting in the thought of the packs back check adventure.(nothing like a little back checking, eh Dripper?) No worries, the pack was nowhere in sight and they were almost home.. Just one more beer check to go and a short sprint to the ON-IN… at least that is what Pic told On-r or maybe, “we really screwed those idiots this time honey!” (hares4 vs pack 3)

And then there was the 3rd beer check… And this was even worse that the first two because some civiliam scoundrels apparently discovered our cache and made off with most of our innocent brewskis. That didn’t leave much for the pack and that could have been our undoing? (note; 2 PBRs, still chilled and unopened were found by the hares the very next morning at that very same beer check in the very same high quality black plastic container that the rest of the goodies had been placed the day before?? and we want an explanation! and yes, we confiscated the PBRs for our personal consumption as a pack penalty!!) (hares5 vs pack 3) But you said it was smooth sailing Pic, you said everything was gonna turn out all right! what possibly could have happened????????????????  Ready??????????

Just so happens that some of our pack really do run. They really qualify as FRBs… Senatewhore, Cocksucker, Happy, Chi, Otter, and others up front are really quite quick in fact. So what happened was that On-r was gonna finish trail while Pic picked up the bag wagon. On-r was also gonna have a nice pee and then air dry a couple minutes and take a nap while waiting for the pack to show… Ooooops! Wrong idea!! Since the pack neglected those two yummy PBRs at beer check #3 they were like gazelles on trail and right on On-r’s tail, like they came outa thin air. Not just one random FRB either. There were a dozen that finished within three minutes of each other and another dozen five minutes after that. Poor On-r barely got her knickers properly arranged (she pees standing up ya know) and there really was no time for air drying either before the pack was in.(final score=hares 5 vs pack 4) Nice try kids but no hare snare this fine day! The hares did a little laugh dance too, but that was a little later and in private…. but we was lucky this time! The pack was really really gooooooood!!!! and the hares salute you!! (with their middle finger that is, *69 too)

So we are almost done here? Sorry about the length but there was alot going on and alot of hashers and harriettes participating in this little celebration.(also test drivin this new flog writtin vehicle and it is pretty nice, some cool features, lotsa power and a cool turning radius but can I stop it?) The entire H3SoB bored was in attendance and we all know who we are talking about, your uberegos…. We also had some usual/unusual suspects; Geronaho, Drilla Gorilla, Pucker Up SA, Dropper, Titty Bossy, Gooey, Cum ala Solo, IPF(an old brew), Roberto No Run, Turd Burglar, Limpy, Mutton, Squeels, Slo, Cocksworthy, G-string, and etc, etc and so forth too. Sorry if you were in the hospital or jail or doing bedpan duty for grandma or something and missed all of this.. it was a classic!!

Down Downs were ably conducted by Laysher and Blow at a BSA courtesy location, very secret. *69 got a little Biday cake and some UCLA alumni slippers, gay looking with white polka idiots.   Besides that Cocksucker that was pretending to be a Just there was Just Taryn, a real Just,  and she just wants to be a harriette so bad and have some fun!! She giggles potential all over herself. Ms Just T. may just have cum to the right place cause that is what we do around here and there just happens to be one more harriette suit on the rack. The ON-ON was held at Harrys. (table for twenty please!) Check out them pix, its like a cruise ship or something. (Oh, and if ya forgot to pay your bar tab please see Pic with your oops cause he got farther into the tab than he wants to or should be, like $60 or so)   The ON-ON-ON was held at JimBos on DeLa Vina and it was good for some more fun and games. And that is about all we got today, so get back to work or whatever you do when not hashing..  Cyas next time   PIcster

HOTT FLASH 9-25-08

Last Thursday was a great night for HASHING. We had good clean
evening air, wonderful sunsetlight, plentyObeer and a couple dozen on
hand for a nice little trail through the west side of SB. As
promised, High Beams was the hare and somehow?? recruited Ultimate
Dick as co-hare? Would they even recognize each other on the street?

So we saw alot of blacktop on the westside of SB and as advertised we
finished under the stars and after dark, of course the street lights
and flashlights were helpful. The pack, which was split up evenly
between runners and funners, was treated to a generous beer check at
casa de Beams and finished back at the start(A to A), up in Escondido
Park. For those in the know, well, ya know,,, we went alot down and
necessarily alot back up. Have to admit to having the Puffs! on the
way back but that was alright cause I knew there was a PBR awaiting
to quench my thirst and squelch the pain.

Down Downs were conducted by Happy Snappy of course. The head HOTTie
anounced that there are two more HOTT trails this season before we go
to the playoffs. It has been a tough schedule with numerous line-up
changes along the way but the H3SoB Hott squad is looking like champs
these days. Thanks coach, your worth every penny!

The Pied Piper of the SB hash made an appearance(aka Wheres My Waldo)
and brought along a posse of newbies that included various loosers he
had collected around town, just our kind. They were somehow all
related to Just Jeanetta, Vrmmm! Vrmm! Vroom! the leader of the pack.
Oh, and he also brought just Jesus, a supository designer doing part
time work in aerospace. That cross thing just wasn’t paying enough!

We had a couple of great namings at the circle; Goodbye to Just Drew
and Cya Just Rachel. Say hello to “Manwhore from the Biltmore” that
asslicking upwardly mobile gentleman from the hospitality indusdry.
What a slut? and after a highly entertaining example of what she can
do with some animals, her mouth and her tongue we are pleased to
welcome,”Flipher and Fuckher” or eeE! eeE! “Flipper” for short. I
wonder how ‘old’ that one sounded the very next day?

Well thats all for now. Cya on Saturday at run start in Manning Park
at 3PM. On-On Picster